maybe you should read this shit since I'm having exams and i'm still posting

2010-12-06T01:15:00.000-08:00

For 21 years, I've learnt to be rational, I've be taught to act the right way, say the right things and achieve whatever I think is worthy. There are time that I'm irrational and that should be eliminated.

Petty things only affect the narrow minded, minor issues worry the weak hearted. Those are the two traits I despise, yet recently, I've been an epitome of narrow-mindedness.

It's time for change, time to embrace change. Time to grow. After all, that's why I'm here. To learn to be independent, to laugh at the right times and to remember that it's easier to forgive when you have the right attitude towards things that can go wrong.

I need to give up this old Anne, the one that's been hiding for so long. Give her up completely.

I feel calmer already.

2010-12-02T11:50:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I can't believe I'm in university.

Even more so, I can't believe that this summer is going to be my last before I start work.

Even then, I can't wait for the day I wear those robes and receive my certificate with hopefully, a good honours.

And then I would have no idea on how I would like to lead my life.

For now, finals.

Looking forward to disneyland.

the cycles

2010-06-14T10:16:00.000-07:00

water cycle, carbon cycle, life cycle. Everything's a cycle and nature recycles things. naturally. So God is pretty smart now imagine if we could create the cycles or speed things or slow things down at our own whim. awesomeness.

MAD IDEA ONE

the cow cycle. cow eats grass, cow drinks water, cow gets fat, cow produces milk and we kill cow to get beef. now forget the cow. take the grass, take the water, make it into beef and milk.

TAKING A STEP FURTHER

grass gets nutrients from sunlight, cow eats grass, we eat cows. take away the in betweens. you get from sunlight to beef. so if I can convert sunlight to meat artificially, I win.

2010-04-28T13:57:00.000-07:00

look at what i ended up doing instead of studying -_______-. might colour it on the comp... some day...

The alchemist

2010-04-20T07:18:00.000-07:00

I would really recommend this book called 'The Alchemist'. It was actually Charles who inspired me to read the book. Started during my epic trip in Easter where I travelled from Greece (Athens, Santorini, Mykonos, Thessaloniki, Edessa) to Serbia(belgrade) to Bosnia(Morstar, Sarajevo) to Croatia(Dubrovnik, Split) to Italy(Ancona). I recall bringing my book 'Thermodynamics for Chemical Engineers' and reading it on the train to Serbia and Charles bought a book along the promenade in Thessaloniki called 'The Witch of Portobello'. He lent me the book on the cruise to Ancona and while the plot wasn't drop dead amazing, it was the kind of book that makes one think.

There's this tale in 'The Alchemist' and it goes like this. (my adapted version)
Once, there was a boy who wanted to find happiness. People told him to head towards the building at the top of the hill and ask the wise man living there. He reached the building expecting to find the wise men but he was greeted by a whole lot of other people (merchants etc). He finally found the wise man and he asked for the secret to happiness. The wise man said nothing but gave him a spoon with 2 drops of oil and told him to walk around the house and make sure that the oil droplets do not fall. The boy went and returned with the oil droplets still on the spoon. The man said to him 'did you see the architecture of the place that artisans spent years doing? The flowers in the garden?' The boy was embarrassed as he was too caught up in the 2 oil droplets that he failed to notice the beauty of the place. The man then told him to go and notice the things around him. The boy went and was marvelled by the house. he went back to the man and the man said 'where are the oil droplets?' the boy looked at the spoon and realised they had fallen off. The man then told him 'happiness is noticing the architecture and the beauty of the place, while keeping the oil droplets there'

This short story in the book itself could have pretty much summed up the entire plot. (spoilers below)
It's about this boy who dreamt of a treasure that lay buried near the pyramids. he live in spain and to go to egypt, he needed to cross the desert. It was a tale of pursuing his dream, his destiny but at many intervals of his pursuit, he was successful and faced great inertia to move on. he was a shepherd who had a flock of 60, then he became an assistant to a crystal merchant who became even more successful due to his revolutionary ideas, then he fell in love and pursuing his dream meant having to give up whatever he was already successful in. It told the tale of the baker who wanted to travel but never did because life was comfortable as a baker. It told the tale of the crystal merchant who wanted to go to mecca but never did and spent his life dreaming about it. Each phase of the boy's life, he focused on the matter at hand (earning money to go to africa by assisting the crystal merchant), being a consultant of the omens to the people in the desert (where he earned respect) but he never lost sight of his goal.

it's inspiring really, how at many points in time of our lives, we are too contented with what we already have that we give up on what we really hope to achieve. My mother told me that 'passion is for the rich'. I realise that passion is for everyone and the poor might not be disadvantaged for the rich would be less likely to give up his riches for something unknown even if it could probably improve his quality of life. and the poor would just take a longer time saving up enough money to pursue his dreams.

On the boy's journey through the desert, the caravan went around obstacles, stopped for rest but he realised that they were travelling towards the destination. We need to focus on the things at hand and at this point of time for many of us (studies, whether we are doing a course we like to do or not) because it helps prepare us for the bigger picture. The moral of the story? summed up in this example. 'Just because I want to be a painter doesn't mean I should feel miserable doing engineering because I know that it will provide the means to achieve my dream and I'm going to be a good engineer so that I can achieve my dream faster' (by the way, I do not want to be a painter. that's for sure)

My friends tell me that after 6 years of working as an engineer, I would not go into teaching. Maybe, a flip through my old book would tell me otherwise. =) love what you do currently but never lose sight of the eventual goal

now back to self similar solutions. fluid mechanics ftw!

2010-03-22T08:45:00.000-07:00

have you ever realised that your past comes back to haunt you? I realise it now.

2010-03-19T05:23:00.001-07:00

I'm not getting myself into trouble am I?

2010-03-16T19:01:00.000-07:00

have you ever felt so afraid of rejection you never dare to try anything new anymore? have you ever been too quick to defend yourself so that you'd never experience the same kind of hurt again? and have you ever been so aware of what you're doing, aware of all the mistakes you're making all over again and yet still choose to make them?

coursework coursework

2010-03-06T13:00:00.001-08:00

random post here. hectic week. rehearsals, course at UCL and process control project.

2009-12-22T22:15:00.000-08:00

you know you're ok when the things that used to hurt you no longer hurt you. and the world can never hurt you the same way again.

2009-11-26T17:54:00.000-08:00

Hi blog,

in my typical Singaporean accent i'd say... Long time no see. or rather, blog. Today's topic shall be on... making the most out of my life.

I see people out there, seizing opportunities, trying to get internships, build cv and me? Bumming around, sleeping 10 hours a day. It seems that I do nothing outside of school and really, the last year hasn't been fulfilling. There are many should's and should have's, opportunities that I've missed, activities that I could have done and things that I could have learnt. It seems a bit too late in life to say this but honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing with mine.

Was throwing a few punches in the privacy of my own room earlier. Do I really want to fight again? Or would I be too busy with Chem Eng, EWB and Singsoc stuff this spring term? I could easily bring my gi and join the karate club here. and yet I'm holding back. I feel like I'm not doing enough. It didn't feel that bad during first year because after all, I've got 3 more years of uni. Then the time flies and you know that it won't be long before you graduate and got the weight of the world on you.

Most singaporeans (yes, like me) studying here are scholars with a job waiting for us at home. sometimes I feel that the prospect of a guaranteed job is hindering my ability to seize opportunities and to fly higher which I believe, I can. My oyster isn't big enough. I realise that there's so much to see out of Singapore. So much more to learn. But my opportunities are bounded. I'm not complaining though I just feel like I'm not making the most out of my life. I could be doing so much more. Living so much more. I want to feel like the superwoman I once were. I don't want to bum, I don't want to let my life revolve around school. I want to go out there and make things happen. but I'm not. I'm doing bits and pieces but I don't go all out. This really reminds me of what sensei kevin told me. 'how you treat karate, is how you treat life.' when I spar, I don't go out enough. I hold back. why? Nobody knows. things must stop here.

2009-09-22T04:10:00.000-07:00

it's time for.... THE PACKLIST

Food items
-tons of milo
-nescafe gold 3 in 1
-myojo tom yum instant noodles
- those jap sprinkly things
- GREEN TEA GREEN TEA
-prima packs (of my choice -.-)

IT stuff
-external hard disk
-laptop
-camera
-spare battery (lappy and camera)
-speakers (HAHAHAHA)
-spare SD card
-CV (not really an IT stuff thing)
-chargers

Books
-library books (beethoven and schubert)

Clothes
-bring back jeans
-winter clothes
-more socks!
-bra (underwear already there)
-red dress =D
-house shorts

Shoes
-pumps
-new converses!
-to buy a nice new pair of flipflops
-reeboks
-socks socks socks

Stationery
- set of pen refills and correction tapes
- stapler
- calculators

Random stuff
- kiasu vouchers
- piano scores
- spectacles
- sanitary pads (damn a lot)

Things to do
- call up Flexistore

sequel -- epilogue

2009-07-07T04:17:00.000-07:00

It's funny how people like to cling onto a last bit of hope. why fictional stories have sick twists in the middle and end up happily ever after. it's because after reading 20000 chapters of turmoil, we want to see that the protagonists end up together and somewhere deep inside, we all hope that after 20000 years of turmoil, we have our own happily ever afters.

I have a confession to make. I'm addicted. I'm addicted to reading senseless romance, only to know that after a few hundred thousand words that would take me less that 24 hours to read, I can immerse myself in the turmoil and end up with the happy ending. I'm sure many have been tempted to skip the turmoil, flip to the epilogue to make sure it was good. after all, after all the guy has gone through for the girl and vice versa, they deserved each other no? and that's why I'm addicted. In stories, the epilogue has already been written. We are in control of what we read, what we want to feel. Our lives are just like that story, just that our epilogues are empty. We don't know if what we put in will bear fruit because at some point in my life really, I've been taught to suck thumb and move on.

Maybe I'm making excuses for myself but I'm quite sure I make hell alot of sense. Yes. Even for a deranged romantic. And depression, helplessness and to a more serious extent suicidal thought all root from the fact that we want whatever we have gone through in our lives to be worth it. I'm catholic and yet I say, we need a God or for my case God to assure ourselves that it will eventually be worth it. But essentially, is there such thing as a black hole of efforts? Where everything we've done and learnt to do go to waste? I'm not going to touch on the God issue here because that's not my main point but what I'm trying to say is, when someone commits suicide, lets just say I don't blame them. Because we're sick of the 20000 chapters in our lives we have to go through and we know that our epilogue may or may not turn out well. and sometimes, the sick twists in the plot really makes us want to stop writing, take control of this epilogue we have no control of. and when we finally jump off that cliff, our story ends and we get a... cliffhanger! (ok. I'm lame) and back to the subpoint on religion. Maybe we're just trying to believe that if we avoid our own horrendous epilogue by ending with a cliffhanger, we end up with a worse one which eventually is still beyond our control.

Maybe I'm at a point in my life where I don't know how I should head towards a happier epilogue and I'm floating along the most boring part of my story. But I knew for that short happy bits that ended with a sick twist, I was happy and I knew that it was all real. Maybe I should just comfort myself that way, tuck into a bag of chips and read more sickeningly sweet romance stories and simulate that heart fluttering I felt some time ago.

Or maybe I should just stop and continue with this boring bit and maybe, just maybe I'd write myself a happier story.

2009-07-02T07:20:00.001-07:00

people enjoy dabbling with the unknown. whether it's the initial interest in quantum physics, first knowing the gist of relativity or something very basic. Getting to know a new person. Getting to know a new person is always exciting and we tend to see the good and interested bits of the person and naturally, the bore and utterly complex equations don't come out in 'introduction to quantum physcis'. but as we dig deeper, the people left fretting over the multiple integrals and psi are those who are genuinely interested or have something to gain from it. take that concept and bring it to getting to know people. beyond the 'introduction to Anne Marie stage' there's the horrible underlying equations and concepts. why she behaves as she does and a certain level of understanding must be achieved.

a public blog is probably similar to 'quantum physics simplified'. normal people would show bits and pieces of themselves. A little angst, happiness, confusion but not the big picture. in face, nowhere near the big picture. you get to see the start of what could be a horrible equation. we know the solution to the particle in a box. but we dont know how it's there. we derive from existing solutions. similarly, the blog entries that are visible to the interested general public like you and me simple show a more 3 dimensional view of the person. the person has already come up with solutions or already reflecting upon it and hence a blog (maybe) and we see the solution and try to derive ways to come up with it.

beyond the simple understand of solutions, we start to delve deep into derivations. tedious equations, mathematical techniques. apply it to the human sense and we get people who genuinely want to be friends, have a certain interest in you or just have something to gain out of knowing you better. for similar reasons, we delve into the mechanics of the schrodinger equation. so we start to derive, be in the thick of all the person's emotions. some of us withdraw, not being able to take the heat. some of us evaluate, make judgement (maybe submit a report) and leave the scene.

you've heard of talented mathematicians, physicians and philosphers who can somehow comprehend the beauty of the equations and understand 'the schrodinger equation- a detailed analysis'. it probably took them years of study, huge wads of interest or cash to bring them to where they are or maybe just immense amounts of IQ. HR people, people involved in talent management are just like these talented 'madmen' who can make sense out of things that don't make sense. And seriously, human behaviour is more senseless than lets say quantum tunneling. I can walk through walls just that the probablitiy is damn low. Or I can die from depression. whatever (bimbo tone). So back to these 'madmen', they can instinctively tell you what kind of person you are to a high degree of accuracy in a short period of time. Their gut feeling comes from experiences and efforts to improve their EQ. And there are a few of us, quick to make judgement. So this is what i heard from a friend one day after school. 'do you understand your lectures? My friend said it's so easy and he knows it all'. somewhere along those lines (i leave the quotation marks there for effect ;) ) We do that all the time. To what we learn each day, to the people we interact with. Have you ever heard of 'omg i cant bliff we're learning all this crap. i mean... why would we need to know integration in daily life anyway?' or 'Xiao ming? Yeah i know him. He's an ass'. to the first statement, you'd probably need to know if you end up as an engineer or someone in tech field. and as for the 2nd statement, either you're not his friend or you're saying that statement deliberately for your listener.

what's the point of this whole entry? well... it takes time off chloramines and turbidity for a while and to remind myself... i better thank my lucky stars for my friends because they bothered to go into the nitty gritty details and derivation of the 'schrondinger equation of anne- detailed derivations'. for the true ones really, they love me or in the eyes of others, psycho. cuz in a nutshell, im not the nicest person you can meet.

Yours truly
Anne Marie

2009-06-19T11:19:00.000-07:00

One year ago:
Dear Kang Wen, Anne,

I wish to inform you that you have been selected to help out at SIWW for Marina Barrage during the 3 days (24 Jun to 26 Jun 08, 9.30am to 6 pm).

In addition, you will be requested to go Marina Barrage (earlier than the stated period above) before this SIWW event so that you can be trained on the details of Marina Barrage and job scopes.

My colleague Choon Kiat, will get in touch directly with you via email and HP on greater details. For more enquiries, you may email him at PEK_Choon_Kiat@pub.gov.sg .

cc- Hi Choon Kiat, thanks for the SIWW arrangement for PUB scholars to gain exposure. Greatly appreciate it if you could keep HR in the loop in your future email correspondences with the scholars on their job scope/involvement with SIWW. Thank you!

Best regards,
Foo Yi

Now:
somehow i cant believe 1 year just flew past like that.
Dear Anne, Zhen Xiong,

You have been assigned as note-takers for Japan Business Forum, which will take place on 25 June (Tues), 1:30pm-3:00pm, at Suntec City Convention Centre (Level 4).

Please be at the event venue that day at 12:30pm. Contact me at 91299684 upon your arrival at Suntec City. In case you cannot get me on my phone, you may contact my colleague Mr. Lim Ooi Kwan at 98391190.

Some info:
Dress code: Business attire (suit optional, but all PUB and Co-organisers will be wearing suits and, for men, neckties)
Japan BF program as attached:

Feel free to contact me if you require any further clarification. Or else, see you on 25 June (Tues), 12:30pm at Suntec City.

Thanks and regards,

2009-06-18T05:21:00.001-07:00

my room's in a terrible mess. finishing exams didn't feel as liberating as i though it would once i was faced with my tornado-aftermath-room and of course, complete ownage by the chem lecturer. never hated chemistry so much in my life before. and while typing this entry, i realise i got a cut on my hand prob due to the packing. and i actually expected myself to become pensive or smth while packing but honestly i don't feel anything haha. just dread and erm... uber strong bakchormee cravings.

i know i'll miss my coursemates over summer. they're the best coursemates one could ever have! =D haha. don't know what i'd be looking forward to this summer though. all I can say is that it's going to be very different from the last. and im going to cut a china-doll hairstyle. (am already halfway there) need i say more? haha.

oh and sojourn's been haunting me.

2009-06-11T12:47:00.000-07:00

guy looks at his girlfriend. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature sainsbury basics pork shoulders.

she looked at him with those big black soulful eyes that looked like and cross section of an infinitely long cylindrical pipe. He was as tall as a 6 foot tall tree. she adored him. loved the way he laughed. he had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

i so love love stories. and my grammer is as bad as like, whatever.

heat and mass time. gosh. life is so boring.

2009-06-09T10:58:00.000-07:00

Tian Shi De Yong Bao (Instrumental) - -

it has a happy and beautiful feeling! counting the days to go home. and prior to that of course, the end of exams. 4 more papers. GAMBATE ANNE! merherher

2009-05-23T12:33:00.000-07:00

life has really gotten into a whole peaceful pace right now. despite the exams. maybe i'm too slack for comfort but i guess I've never felt that at peace before. i guess in one month's time when i'm back home, i can proudly say i have learnt a lot here. it isn't just about cooking for yourself and dragging yourself to do the laundry but about creating an extended family here.

i realise i miss this feeling all over again. this feeling of freedom. freedom from humanly feelings. i guess that's why the nirvana is so sought after. (yeah rong kai!) seeking inner peace maybe? Sometimes i think i've just been so stupid to let myself down again. after tell myself time and again not to lose my head. and after a one-year-cycle, i finally remember why i said the things i said and that shows me really, i dont learn. stupid ass. haha.

played risk for 3 whole hours with tom sak and danny yesterday and i was so close to asia dominion before sak conquered the world.

2009-05-17T13:22:00.000-07:00

it sucks to skype mom when i'm sick. she makes such a big fuss! though i'm personally feeling whiny today. haha. i think it's very important to keep yourself happy everyday!

2009-05-17T03:26:00.000-07:00

ah. the stupid hayfever season. i'm never going to eat hay from the air again. woke up with a swollen throat =(.

can't wait for exams to be over. or at least when the PUB ppl can gather for a meetup cuz never go out with chor ming before.

EXAM GAMBATE! ooosh

2009-05-15T16:10:00.001-07:00

skip one window tideee-oh
skip two windows tidee-oh
skip 3 windows tidee-oh
jingle at the windows tidee-oh
jingling jingling jingling joe
jinge at the windows tidee-oh!

2009-05-15T03:59:00.000-07:00

super high today! haha. cuz xiaoting fb msged us about watching ANGELS AND DEMONS. haha. wanted to watch it but don't know who to watch it with cuz exam period and all. but those slackers chem engr's went to watch wolverine already haha. we are really damn slack. what eat dim sum lah, bbq lah, movie lah (i feel like auntie now)

but nevertheless, i'm happee =)

2009-05-14T05:47:00.000-07:00

i miss water week! think i should be back by the time it starts but oh wells =) last year this time i remember myself working for this property agent HSR and swore to myself never to go into sales.this year this time im supposed to be mugging but finished the senior farewell party souvenirs yesterday! when i saw the whole table full of nice nice photos, erm... it felt great? haha.

can't wait for this whole exam thing to be over (though mine hasnt even started and am still learning new stuff) because i'm looking forward to hanging out with frrens in sg. my airen, gabby, kg, ps, andrea ang and my church group. gosh i miss them so much. and tkd trainings! tkd friends at the cc... but think some of them enlisting soon =(. and of course, get to know my new shuai ge neighbour that i met one day before i departed. muahahaha.

gonna take a nap and erm... read my roommate's biochem textbook =D i hope the proton gradient thing and NADH, FADH, ADP and suddenly ATP pops out thing gets clearer. eeks

2009-05-12T15:48:00.001-07:00

trying to remain on the safe side of things

mother and daughter convo

2009-05-11T07:00:00.001-07:00

mom: dont walk home alone at night
me: yah. ok.
mom: must eat well
me: yah. ok
mom: I know you study hard but must take care of yourself
me: yah. ok.
mom: promise me you won't walk home alone at night?
me: yah. ok
mom: what's wrong with you? Is there anything else you can say?
me: yah.
mom: promise you won't walk home alone at night anot?
me: yah. come back at 9 kaes.
mom: promise ok?
me: ok. i knew you actually wanted a yah ok answer. -.-

-.-

2009-05-11T06:49:00.000-07:00

for many reasons, march was horrible.

may with the exams... has a much more peaceful feel to it.

ate a baked potato from lib cafe today and edited another whole bulk of photos (which meant precious mugging time gone). i realised that i've been photosynthesizing for so long that it took me ONE HOUR to finish the potato. meant this to be a bimbotic post so... I think I have the most amazing facebook profile pic. ever. (though the pic is nowhere near bimbotic, approaching erm... bonkersicity)

green is wonderfully absolutely beautiful colour. weird how it represents nature for the mere fact that nature doesn't like it that much and hence reflect it. wonderful isn't it? ok. the weirdest things intrigue me. i'm green. to oddly normal people, it means noob or jealous. to me, it's convenience. because I'm photosynthesizing.

but maybe, there's a bit of normalcy to this post as well?

or have i gone absolutely bonkers gegonkers?

the fact i can question myself means I haven't.

back to maths/ econs/ accounts. now... does it sound like I'm in chem eng to you?

gah. to make things worse, SEE KWANG YEW IS BACK IN SINGAPORE. ass those ppl in US. (hey wow! it rhymes)

2009-05-10T11:31:00.001-07:00

(Thanh)
There was a time when it was hard to see
A future out in front where I am free
But then I found the fire
The strength, the heart's desire
Bring it on, can't go wrong, I am strong

(Chorus)
I am young, hear me cry
Tell the world that I can fly
I believe, we have the strength to carry on
I will say, hear me pray
Now I'm free, I am on my way
I will fight, I am brave, I am strong

(Joel)
I said one day that I would show them all
And now I've shown the world that I stand tall
And now I've found the fire
The will to go much higher
Bring it on, can't go wrong, I am strong

I am young, hear me cry
Tell the world that I can fly
I believe, we have the strength to carry on
I will say, hear me pray
I am free, I am on my way
I will fight, I am brave, I am strong

(Alf)
Listen to the things they have to say
Take it all in for another day
Take another breath, it will be OK
Bring it on, can't go wrong, I am strong

from this moment on

2009-05-10T11:19:00.000-07:00

From this moment-on

(I do swear that I'll always be there. I'd give anything
and everything and I will always care. Through weakness
and strength, happiness and sorrow, for better, for worse,
I will love you with every beat of my heart.)

From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on

From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on

You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on

i wanna play this song some day! addicted to it now

2009-05-06T07:02:00.001-07:00

counting down to going back to singapore! but the countdown to exams is ticking way faster. i'm so pissed that we still have lessons and 50 pages of extra unlearnt maths notes to study and a few ridiculous cycles in biochem and nearly the entire organic chemistry module. chicken nugget. -pissed-

2009-05-05T10:24:00.001-07:00

somehow, i realise that my way of thinking is so wrong.

2009-05-04T15:52:00.001-07:00

you learn a new thing each day!

2009-04-30T11:54:00.001-07:00

as final exam draws to a near, I just remember how everything was like for me last year. The anticipation was exhilirating. new experiences, friends and lifestyle was wow. and then suddenly, i've learnt how to cook, take care of myself and deal with the occasional feeling of loneliness and you realise that when you return back to where you came from, things are no longer what they were used to be.

many relationships form among our close circle of friends be it close friendships, extended family or BGR. but i guess for many of us, we're trying to fill up the extra space in our hearts because what used to be there was left at home. and really, the anticipation of things back home is equally challenging. knowing that things weren't what you left it as and your own comfort zone seeming a bit unfamiliar is scary. i know i'm scared because sometimes, you can't expect things to return the way they were.

even the friendships formed here may seem different back home. which really makes me wonder, are the friends we make here simply for convenience or are they friends for life? some of my friends have found themselves soulmates or rather, known as the sg couples and these relationships came about pretty quickly. truth to be told, i'm jealous. but jealousy aside, when all the conveniences end, hopefully the relationship will still remain strong.

i've learnt that it isnt about quantity of time that you have with each other, it's about quality. i haven't seen much of gab but when i see him, he somehow makes all the time we have quality and i guess i'd never ever find another best friend like him. and really, this academic year i got myself into a pile of shit. maybe going overseas has made me slightly more vulnerable than i should have been and i trusted another a little too easily.

on hindsight memories are always beautiful but your current situation's crap. and i guess daniel's right about going home and leaving all this year behind. that's the best part about calling 2 different cities your home. when you want to run away from one, you have another. and i guess i spent all my life running.

back to fluid mechanics.

2009-04-26T16:34:00.001-07:00

I Am My Own Grandpa

Many, many years ago
When I was twenty three
I got married to a widow
Pretty as could be.

This widow had a grown up daughter
With flowing hair of red,
My father fell in love with her
And soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
Now my daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad,
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown up daughter,
Who of course was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son
Who kept them on the run,
And he became my grandson
For he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because although she is my wife,
She's now my grandma too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw,
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!

Ray Stevens

goodness

2009-04-24T15:18:00.001-07:00

http://www.theamericanscholar.org/the-disadvantages-of-an-elite-education/

check this out. =)

2009-04-20T11:21:00.000-07:00

fat girl twist turn break smash jiggle wiggle jump

now did that create a vivid image?

ha.

eigen vectors multiply unit matrix transpose

did that create any image at all?

precisely.

2009-04-16T15:19:00.001-07:00

still dreaming, and still not waking.

2009-04-15T06:45:00.001-07:00

he replied! loves =D

2009-04-14T03:36:00.001-07:00

I'm waiting for an email from a very special someone. an email that says 'office hours are ___ and the answers to problem sheet 2 have been uploaded'.

Dear Krishnan... where are u. ><

2009-04-13T17:09:00.000-07:00

ommmgggg. it's just so hard. if only i could have selective amnesia T.T

2009-04-13T16:17:00.000-07:00

sometimes i like to laugh at myself, and wonder why the hell i keep trying so hard for things that do not matter.

a time to reflect

2009-04-12T13:46:00.000-07:00

my blogged looked pretty dead recently, other than a stupid sheep waving at you. decided to keep everything simple and no more tagboard as well. guess i want my blog to me more about me rather than who reads it.

realised that one of my secondary school classmate, bella is in London and decided to drop by Garden Hall and chat with her even for a bit. The whole beauty of meeting her was to realise that she was doing theatre studies in warwick. everyone was amazed, awed because the rest of us were doing things that we just simply didn't mind doing. but practical reason aside, we want to be doing something else. she was writing a play, sounded pretty much like a complex love rectangle and couples and their values. what struck me was that each character was every bit human. not the usual saintly main character that you see in sappy drama serials. back to our choice of course, sure i like chem eng but seriously, how many people would actually take great interest in fluid flow and thermodynamics? so waiyee and i were discussing how we decided on our course. there were 6 girls in the room, first time in ages i ever felt home again. finally a break from all those male species. kinda envious of huiqi as well because she really likes music and sam and i concluded we never really liked anything that much. but pity for huiqi her mom was against her doing music.

bella mentioned about her future being hazy and i guess at the point of time, some of us snapped back to reality. the 5 of us had scholarships which meant a stable job the moment we graduate. and speaking about plays, i remember that old cliche quote about life is a stage and we are all its actors. this makes me think (somehow) of war movies. where they multiply lets say, 10 people into 10000. I feel like on my own stage, i'm one of the 10000. cut, copied and pasted onto a set. not that i'm complaining because i'm one of those who wouldnt know what i'd be doing in life if i sucked at mugging.

there was a peaceful silence in the study room and after that huiqi and i went to play piano in the hall lounge. for some strange reason i feel quite relaxed and happy in her company. and to add to that, her technical skills were way better than mine and it was nice to have someone teach me. bella brought over 2 other scores by yann tierson and huiqi actually told me about the different voices in the song. somehow made me appreciate the melody more. =) i guess sometimes you meet people and grow closer to them in the weirdest way possible. anyway, back to the piano, was mentioning to huiqi about playing the highest voice with the flute and guess that would sound really really beautiful. which motivates me to actually practise the song!

2009-03-22T05:34:00.000-07:00

the song that nv made it to ah yum

(Villager #1)
Singapore a land of opportunities
Coming here, with a family to feed
I tried so hard
I worked so long
I’m disappointed (said)

(All) (Chorus/Refrain)
Hungry people aplenty
And not enough to eat
The jobs that seemed so many
Have vanished now indeed

(LANDLORD)
Everyone has no money! Sia la. How to collect rent ar?

(XUAN) (refrain)
Please God
Let me find a job
Let me please,
Find that somewhere down this street
Someone would need me

[End of “Finding a Job”]

2009-03-19T03:13:00.000-07:00

actually i think it is fate telling me to give up again. -crouches down with hands over head- each time i want to close up the gap, it just opens up further. fuck.

2009-03-18T17:35:00.001-07:00

God just decided to play a trick on me and put me to the test. good job God! you've succeeded. may I pull throught. Amen

2009-03-17T17:42:00.002-07:00

familiarity begets contempt

2009-03-17T17:42:00.001-07:00

i think i have been a stupid fool all along!

2009-03-15T05:28:00.000-07:00

When i woke up this morning, i felt this as kangwen calls it, the 'ah yum hangover effect'. it felt like a dream come true, like all you have imagined on stage. being one of the directors and scriptwriters and left stage manager meant no one got to see your face. It was a lot less glamorous than acting or playing music but the satisfaction was wow.

shiwei was one lucky guy because he did sound control at the back so he had a good view. 3 of us, dikai, shiwei and I were on the comms and for me, i was hell nervous still. because i knew that even though we weren't on stage, we played a significant role. same for xuan you and ah boon. ah boon was the best help you could get as a stage manager. each scene that went well, you could hear 'nice', 'swee', 'the audience are laughing' over the walkie talkies and really, it felt like my burden lightening as each scene went by.

it was a burden i was willing to carry though because, you know that if you did a good job, the show would run smoothly. maybe next time when i watch musicals i will learn to appreciate the importance of the backstage crew.

watching the dance, the music, jasmine's singing, my friends performing and recalling those beautiful memories of 'finding love', youtube videos and me bluffing charles to join the production nearly made me tear during the curtain call. now that's what u call, a beautiful success and im sure all singaporeans involved in ah yum will have something beautiful to takeaway with them.

2009-03-10T18:33:00.000-07:00

It's slightly over the half of my freshman year in uni. I think I've learnt a lot once I pull through this entire term. The thought of juggling rehearsals, work and personal problems, the laundry, food and so many other things was daunting. and if i survive this term, i believe i've done it all.

I've learnt that sometimes, trying hard doesn't mean you'd succeed and really, the harder you try, the harder you fall and sometimes you'd feel inadequate. It's like studying for a test and failing compared to not studying and failing. But life is about taking risks. There's a lot of satisfaction from trying your best and succeeding which I really hope Ah Yum will. and in other aspects, you just fall. I did pretty well for the Spring Test which I thought I flopped and I guess God is fair, you don't succeed in everything you try. Really, my aim now is to just let bygones be bygones and to make it easier, I'm going to create a closure for myself. This is basically for myself to follow. Whatever setbacks i have faced, I'm not going to harden myself up to the rest of the world, I'm not going to bear any grudge against anything or anyone, I'm not going to be afraid of something that I couldnt achieve and I'm going to push myself to the limit.

It's time really that I grow up properly and learn to be more tactful and less brutally honest. I also need to learn to think before i speak and treat others like how I would like to be treated. You're right. I should do things for myself but really, myself never really existed in my life. because... I don't even know why! The only thing every constant relative to me, is me. (think relative velocity)

2009-03-09T16:32:00.001-07:00

Major event is just a matter of 5 days away. Initially when Albert and Reuben came down to the chem tutorial room 2 weeks ago, their comments were worrying. and also at UCH, it was a good show but not ready for showcase. 5 days before the big day, I find myself excited at the thought of it.

I actually feel proud to be one of the directors and scriptwriters for this major event. sure, there were downtimes when i felt helpless and to me, it was like writing the direction for some war. sometimes i just didnt know where i was directing the musical to. the turning point was really the choreography of the last scene. i still remember yon jan asking me something along the lines of 'do you believe you can do this'. seriously, at the point of time i wasn't really too involved and was happy to let joshua and yon jan do a lot of the directing so there was this pause before i said 'yah. i think can'.

it's a sense of satisfaction that really made me more involved. maybe it was too late to get involved in it, maybe it wasn't. but that led up to the choreography of landlord chee, dreams which i played quite a small role and the emotional Richard scene. and i think it was then that shiwei also started playing a more active role and so on.

i think once you see what you imagined come into life on stage, it's like a dream come true. and really, each day i come back tired but satisfied. (can't say the same for the state of my academic life though) HAHA

2009-02-27T06:05:00.000-08:00

can't wait to go home.. in a certain sense. i wanna be back in singapore. but in all honesty, i do not want to go back to the place i used to call home. i want to start a new life somewhere. In singapore, but just somewhere else.

2009-02-27T06:01:00.001-08:00

2009-02-19T17:01:00.001-08:00

searching for the music for the ending song to ah yum! has led me into this state. hence the darkness. haha. i love philip glass! new love. =D

2009-02-16T13:36:00.000-08:00

I am proud to say that I've been exercising recently. Went swimming on Sat and went running today. did that striding thing for 3km (that's horrifically terrigibally tiring), jogged for 3km (did the hill workout option so slight inclination) and cycled 10km. overall quite fruitful other than the ache in my legs now. lactic acid anyone? haha.

It's Frank Morton's day tomorrow = no school for all Imperial chem eng students and teachers. Which means I'm probably going to hit the gym again or find some alternative for my otherwise relatively solo life now. Which doesn't suck really. Maybe I'm too used to having company or the pleasure of having company for the past term. It's high time I take control of my own life. And my weight could be the first thing I can take control of. Maybe my face next. Been washing my face 3 times a day and I actually used to be too lazy. Started waking up slightly earlier to have breakfast too and 3 cups of warm water in the morning. No more full cream milk and highly fattening oat clusters.

Valentines day was rather uneventful other than the good food that kangwen cooked for charles, daniel and I. went swimming with daniel after that. pretty much nothing. and crepe with charles which reminds me i owe him 8.50. Was quite happy with the rose that the 3 of them gave me tho. at least, someone remembered me as a good friend. which makes me miss my airen and gab very much.

2009-02-13T11:06:00.000-08:00

the power of photoshop

2009-02-12T08:29:00.001-08:00

i am very sad! haha

2009-02-11T16:15:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when you think you're guessing, your brain may actually know better.

After conducting some unique memory and recognition tests, while also recording subjects' brain waves, scientists conclude that some gut feelings are not just guesswork after all. Rather, we access memories we aren't even aware we have.

"We may actually know more than we think we know in everyday situations, too," said Ken Paller, professor of psychology at Northwestern University and co-researcher on the study. "Unconscious memory may come into play, for example, in recognizing the face of a perpetrator of a crime or the correct answer on a test. Or the choice from a horde of consumer products may be driven by memories that are quite alive on an unconscious level."

The findings were published online Sunday in the journal Nature Neuroscience.

The research, done with only a couple dozen participants, adds to a growing body of conflicting evidence about decision-making. In one study done in 2007, researchers found that quick decisions were better than those given lots of thought. But a study last year suggested neither snap judgments nor "sleeping on it" trump good old-fashioned conscious thought.

The new study

During the first part of the memory test in the new study, participants were shown a series of colorful kaleidoscope images that flashed on a computer screen. Half of the images were viewed with full attention as participants tried to memorize them. While viewing the other half, the participants were distracted: They heard a spoken number that they had to keep in mind until the next trial, when they indicated whether it was odd or even.

In other words, they could focus on memorizing half of the images but were greatly distracted from memorizing the others.

A bit later, they viewed pairs of similar kaleidoscope images in a recognition test.

"Remarkably, people were more accurate in selecting the old image when they had been distracted than when they had paid full attention," Paller said. "They also were more accurate when they claimed to be guessing than when they registered some familiarity for the image."

Splitting attention during a memory test usually makes memory worse.

"But our research showed that even when people weren't paying as much attention, their visual system was storing information quite well," Paller said.

The brain's role

During the tests, electrical signals in the brain were recorded from a set of electrodes placed on each person's head. The brain waves during implicit recognition were distinct from those associated with conscious memory experiences. A unique signal of implicit recognition was seen a quarter of a second after study participants saw each old image.

Other related research has shown that amnesia victims with severe memory problems often have strong implicit memories, Paller and his colleague, Joel L. Voss of the Beckman Institute, said in a statement.

"Intuition may have an important role in finding answers to all sorts of problems in everyday life," Paller said.

from curious read

i knew i was absorbing information in all those lectures. hahaha. proves my point!

2009-02-10T15:10:00.001-08:00

"The Marina Barrage was our most outstanding achievement in 2008, creating Singapore’s 15^th reservoir and 1^st reservoir in the city. But the Marina Barrage is not just a water project that enhances water supply and provides flood control, it is also an icon of what Singapore (and not just PUB) has accomplished over the years. Indeed the scenes of families having picnics, bridal couples taking photographs, kids playing at the water fountains at the barrage, plus the beautiful sights of the port and city skyline from the bridge all attest to this. In 2008, we’ve had a number of events at the Marina Barrage from the New Paper Big Walk to the New Year’s Eve Countdown which registered crowds of tens of thousands.

Our Deep Tunnel Sewerage System (DTSS) is practically completed or commissioned. Our Prime Minister will open it during the Singapore International Water Week (SIWW) in Jun 09. The DTSS including the Changi Water Reclamation Plant may not be as highly visible as the Marina Barrage due to security restrictions, but the total project value of $3.6 billion probably makes it the biggest water project undertaken by PUB to-date."

koped from PUB SQA- message from the CE.

i'm definitely going to marina barrage when i get back. after all, that's how PUB started for me.

2009-02-05T17:14:00.001-08:00

labs going to be due tomorrow 4.30pm

everything feels like a closure now and there's nothing i can do about it.

sleep tight anne!

2009-02-03T13:27:00.001-08:00

anne, you are one of those rare individuals who are perfectly "balanced" in both your hemispheric tendencies and your sensory learning preferences. However, there is both good news and bad news.

A problem with hemispheric balance is that you will tend to feel more conflict than someone who has a clearly established dominance. At times the conflict will be between what you feel and what you think but will also involve how you attack problems and how you perceive information. Details which will seem important to the right hemis- phere will be discounted by the left and vice versa, which can present a hindrance to learning efficiently.

In the same vein, you may have a problem with organization. You might organize your time and/or space only to feel the need to reorganize five to ten weeks later.

On the positive side, you bring resources to problem-solving that others may not have. You can perceive the "big picture" and the essential details simultaneously and maintain the cognitive perspective required. You possess sufficient verbal skills to translate your intuition into a form which can be understood by others while still being able to access ideas and concepts which do not lend themselves to language.

Your balanced nature might lead you to second-guess yourself in artistic endeavors, losing some of the fluidity, spontaneity and creativity that otherwise would be yours.

With your balanced sensory styles, you process data alternately, at times visually and other times auditorially. This usage of separate memories may cause you to require more time to integrate information or re-access it. When presented with situations which force purely visual or purely auditory learning, increased anxiety is likely and your learning efficiency will decrease.

Your greatest benefit is that you can succeed in multiple fields due to the great plasticity and flexibility you possess.

2009-02-03T13:20:00.001-08:00

Which Side Do You Use?

You responded as a right brained person to 13 questions, and you responded as a left brained person to 5questions. According to the Hemispheric Dominance test, you use your right brain the most. The summary briefly describes your dominance type. Remember, this only represents half of the picture. After you read the description, click on the link at the bottom of the page to find out how to use this information to improve your study strategies. Do not forget to print your results, if your instructor has requested you to do so.

Some of the traits associated with the right side of the brain are listed in the table. Not all of the traits will apply to you. Remember, we use both side of our brain, but your right sides gets the most exercise.

Type of Cognitive Processing	Brief Description
Holisitc	Processing information from whole to part; sees the big picture first, not the details.
Random	Processing information with out priority, jumps form one task to another.
Concrete	Processes things that can be seen , or touched - real objects.
Intuitive	Processes information based on whether or not it feels right know answer but not sure how it was derived.
Nonverbal	Processes thought as illustrations.
Fantasy-Oriented	Processes information with creativity; less focus on rules and regulations

2009-02-02T18:34:00.000-08:00

i dream of flying, soaring past everything that can be felt or touched. 我要制造自己的天. i dont want to be envious of anyone.

2009-02-01T17:06:00.000-08:00

snowed the entire day today. was damn fun! snow is a great way to meet ppl in your hall. i called daniel down just to take some pictures and play a bit and met sak and gabi on the way. then saw jm and yuk yee. so we formed a team. there were 2 guys playing snow as well. at first it was free for all and then we started teaming up. fun stuff! after that went up with sak to gabi's room and talked about theme parks and met her roommate as well. a productive day! (not for my report tho =( )

2009-01-26T12:43:00.001-08:00

so i spent most of my working-waking hours on 2 graded lab reports. and the outcome was... great! the good result tastes really good when u put in good hours of hard work into it and kevin and i were high fiving outside ACEX 207.

so maybe sometimes when we actually have to fight for something, maybe even start from zero and achieve it, we'll learn to celebrate it. to be honest i got quite a lenient marker. maybe i would have gotten the same grade for half the effort but i wouldnt treasure it as much neither would i put in that much effort for the next assignment. after all, a grade is a grade. no?

2009-01-21T15:54:00.000-08:00

rationalize why heat exchanger efficiency varies from 91% - 122%. come on anne. u can do this.

2009-01-20T16:44:00.001-08:00

my ability to rationalize has been declining. am i on a decline? haha.

back to lab report. heater efficiency of 104%. screw carnot anyone?

2009-01-19T15:05:00.000-08:00

spring term's been pretty hectic. There's just so many lessons to go to, German classes, major event coming up, labs, lab reports, PA project and not to mention keeping in contact with those in Singapore and my social life here in London. I officially led one of the most 'suay' days of my life today but pulled through with the help of kangwen: thanks for dinner!

I really enjoy this learning process. learnt smth today. bad days just give u an opportunity to sort yourself out and let you pick yourself up after making a fool out of u. if Today must screw me up, why cant i screw Today back? i'll show Today i can still do so much despite him going against me. done with math problem sheet =)

I will do my best here, make my time worthwhile and be stronger than strong!

2009-01-13T15:18:00.001-08:00

personal posts will no longer be on this blog.

2009-01-11T15:10:00.001-08:00

had pot luck lunch with my a couple of my favourite friends in london (no worries gab. you're still my bestie). it's amazing how we come back with different winter holiday experiences. very different in fact. A went to france and switzerland, B went to Singapore, C went to spain and italy and D went to spain. i really wanna travel with BCD tho. school's starting tomorrow and i dare say im not prepared for it at all. shall pack my stuff and go to sleep soon i guess. after long periods of nuahing arnd in holbein, walking to south ken (far far away) seems almost like a daunting task. at the very least, the temperature outside is not sub zero today. maybe we're in for warmer winter weeks (hopefully?) haha.

2009-01-09T16:39:00.001-08:00

tired but happy. marsielle 2009

2009-01-09T15:59:00.000-08:00

2009-01-08T17:39:00.001-08:00

filling breaky at geneva =)

2009-01-08T17:30:00.000-08:00

jungfrau region

2009-01-08T17:21:00.000-08:00

making my mark in the snow...

2009-01-06T11:56:00.001-08:00

before i drabble on about paris/marsielle/switz, shall do some new year reflection (had a lot of time to do that while on the trains around switz).

in 2008, i learnt the biggest lesson of my life and i only realised that in 2009. maybe this post is just for me to look back and laugh at my younger self and then miss her all over again. Wilbur mentioned something about our university social circle being our final social circle in our lives. theres the primary sch friends, the sec sch friends, the jc friends and the uni friends. each time we get into a new academic phase, the circle just gets smaller and for most of us, (or maybe just me), more elite. guess im being more elitist than i thought but he's in a way right. slowly, our other social circles of the past will fade. upon reflection (yes in that lying down positon -inside joke-), i realise that this changing social circle gives us chances to grow up and learn from mistakes. but it's changing at a slower rate now. so if i screw up with any of my uni friends, i can expect to chop off that part of my social circle.

getting back to the main part of my drabble, the whole point is that i miss my old self and want to find her back again. talking to gabriel is like talking to a mirror. probably because he's the only constant amidst my changing social circle. he said i used to be very simple "black and white, no grey areas" now im influenced by my environment, starting to use people, competing with others to feel better about myself... not that it is any bad but just different. and the thing is, i used to know what i wanted in the past. not now. it's like climbing the eiffel tower in the cold just that this tower has no top floor. the top is relative to the people still climbing below you. it's stressful. the higher u climb, the colder it is.

all i wanted 6-7 years back was a close group of friends, do well enough by my standards and just keep improving, do what i like to do be it hanging out with that small group of friends or just having a long chat with a special someone and somewhere in the distant future get married, be a teacher, have kids and lead a simple and content life. i still preach the same gospel though. sad to say, i'm not practising it. i still want that close group of friends yet when i see other people's albums on facebook of them having so many friends, large parties, wide social circles, i want to be part of that accepted group. i see others studying more than me, doing more useful things than i do, being so good at what they do, i feel that i have wasted a part of my life just hanging out with friends i love and doing things i love and not caring about whether i was good at it or not.

this life is tiring in a way and the thing is, i dont know the outcome of all the effort im putting in or for that matter, trying to put in (the inertia is overwhelming). maybe if i were God planning my life, I would have gone to a JC out of the top 5, did well enough with maybe 2As and 2Bs, do Chemistry in NUS and be a teacher! but since im here already, i need to do well (beyond myself) but to conclude, i'd find that 13 year old girl back.

damn. it's 2009. meet the big 20 at the end of the year.

gah

2009-01-06T04:22:00.001-08:00

back from travelling! watch this space for updates (when i get down to it) meanwhile... naptime!

all children grow up some day

2008-12-18T11:49:00.000-08:00

hey gab, this is for u.

merry christmas!

love you bro =)

explorer!

2008-12-16T14:58:00.001-08:00

it seems a bit late but i've finally been thinking through what i am doing here- meaning an overseas education. growing up is about learning what u have needed to learn from your parents and start learning from others. essentially, the education system i've been through has let me learn through baby steps- from the rigid sit-down-in-class system in primary and secondary school to the flexible lectures in JC (flexible because it is difficult to keep track of your attendance) and university where lectures are optional. the thing about being overseas is that other than gaining sudden autonomy over your academic life, you gain autonomy over your life and whether you are sponsored or not, you can't really screw up.

so here i am meeting so many new people, singaporeans or not. but for most of us who travelled from miles away, we came here to bring something that we can be proud of back home. so it isnt simply about just getting first class honours. it's that something more. yet i haven't figured that out yet. many say the curriculum in singapore is much more rigorous. thing is, here, we expect much more of ourselves. same for me. and problem is when we are lost and feeling stressed, we have essentially lost our calm comfort of parents and home. while this may seem trivial, i realise after a conversation with a friend that the problem with losing that steady comfort is that our comfort now consists of people with the same goals as us and learning from us as well. the conversation went somewhat like this. 'i may say we dont need to study that much but i also mug and i finish all my work for tutorials. my friends say i very scary but actually i scared of them because they also do very fast'.

so the whole challenge to me is to force myself to learn from others whether learning from their dilligence, commitment or even the way the treat others and at the same time, achieve something more for myself. this probably wouldnt be different in singapore but the difference lies in the fact that we spend 24/7 with people who are equally lost and learning from just you and me. so imagine 100+ mes in a single school trying to achieve something more for myself-s and basically, something more is more than the person sitting next to me during lecture and the person next to him and next to him and next to him....

this whole passage makes me sound like an ambitious freak. i dont think i am. i just want to make my adventure here worthwhile like how explorers would want to come back having found something. and it happens that there are now 100+ explorers wanting to find something as well.

2008-12-09T12:10:00.001-08:00

Lonely Wont Leave Me Alone - Glenn Medeiros

2008-12-08T17:51:00.000-08:00

when u get so sick and tired of studying. from scrapblog.com

2008-12-02T12:47:00.000-08:00

I Am Strong - North
can relate to this song!

NOTHINGS GONNA CHANGE MY LOVE FOR YOU by <> - <>
this made me unable to concentrate on my math prob sheet =( damn nice =)

bruges!

2008-11-24T11:54:00.000-08:00

Travelled to Bruges (in belgium) over the weekend. imagine snow, chocolates, waffles and good company! the bus ride there was really long though but got to know more people from hall.

willis jackson- holbein hallies! haha. this was taken when the bus was on the eurorail. and it got too stuffy everyone came out to camwhore.

it was snowing really heavily when we reached belgium and it was exciting -for a while- before it got too cold to bear. the architechture of the old churches were very nice tho. photogenic =)

Honestly other than when i worked at cocoa trees, i've never seen so many chocolates in my life (and i just went mad buying them) and kee sheng was orgasmic over them during cooking group dinner today.
The day ended off quite well with a nice christmassy sort of scenery around belgium and snowball fight!
and i saw my most favourite artpiece in the world for the first time. i really like this. dont ask me why. gives me a good feel.

2008-11-08T13:32:00.000-08:00

One Last Look - Robin Spielberg

2008-11-08T08:27:00.000-08:00

An Improvisation On The Canon (Bonus Track) - Robin Spielberg

my recent fascination. wanna play smth nice one day =)

2008-10-25T15:40:00.000-07:00

neighbour attempting to do a split on roomie's bed -.-

2008-10-25T15:30:00.001-07:00

xiuyi just uploaded a chunk of photos onto facebook. which made me really miss jc times. especially the CIP i did with her at the school for autistic students. basically made the place look cute and colourful. loved it. reminds me of how much i like to draw cute stuff. and i have to say xiuyi did a very good job with the coconut tree. =)

9 more months to singapore? i dont wanna count down really. i aint exactly homesick. it's just that i carried my memories with me =)

2008-10-25T15:30:00.000-07:00

20 days in london

2008-10-20T11:47:00.000-07:00

gutten tag! or gutten abend!
before leaving singapore i was actually quite apprehensive about this whole 'studying overseas' thing. like whether i could survive on my own, learn to cook, do my own laundry, pack my room (which i still dont hehe) etc etc. but these 20 days only goes to show that my approach to life is right! -jezz sign up lah. jezz go. survive later =D-

been having fun every weekend. like going to hyde park to play captain's ball, one taekwondo training, attempting to buy my german text book, going to russell street, meeting up with jc classmates in london, going to pollock's toy museum, brit museum, going on the sing soc walkabout to big ben, westminster abbey etc etc

the most enjoyable part is this newfound freedom. amen to that! just randomly hanging over at daniel's dorm and skyping celine! or rather, doing coursework and online test. oh and of course, blowing up free condoms (which i hope i dont find a use for and regret haha!)

guess pictures would be appreciated =)

the sendoff- too lazy to upload more pics

2008-10-02T08:08:00.000-07:00

MY BESTIE =)

Yaya and I at changi airport

My airen and i <3 <3 <3

2008-09-30T22:00:00.001-07:00

im freaking out im freaking out im freaking out

freaked is an understatement

i dunno why im freaking out

><|| !!!!

!!!!

2008-09-29T09:18:00.001-07:00

a short exerpt of today
30 Jan 2005 & 21:21

Woke up a a really late time of 12.15. The day was just as usual, slacking, reading story books and studying. (duh).

Actually quite happy today. That's because he is no longer that sick and his messages are getting longer. Longer messages leave a nice feeling in me:) rather than the usual single word messages. Hope he really gets well as fast as possible and can pass him his bday present. Just wrapped it today. :)

Anyway, home was bustling as usual with the new year goodies making routine every year. Thus, the lousy me had to end up cooking dinner. At first only 2 ppl eat at hope. Then mom and dad suddenly say they wanted to eat. Hey! I only cooked 1 and a half scoops of rice. Nevermind. Everyone eats less then. :)

I actually cooked? sounds like a distant memory. now i fear eating my own cooking

2008-09-29T09:16:00.001-07:00

hidden
10 Nov 2004 & 22:38

the girl stretched out her hand reaching for her mom as the door closed on her. as her arms raised, her favourite soft toy landed with a soft thud. the mother shook her head and her mouth seemed to be moving. but the girl heard nothing.

the teenager shouts, fully revealing her rebellious streak. her mother looking forlorn at what happened to her little girl, once playfully hugging a cute toy, now reduced to sitting in front of her computer watching vcd after vcd. every word the woman said, her daughter could hear. but there was no response. communication was slowly torn apart and the only way the teen could get in touch with everything else, forget about everything else was through the silvery disks. finally, the teen gives a wise respond but the woman turned a deaf ear. she continues on her usual mommy lecture but the teen doesn't listen. teenagers never do anyway. tears start to fall and the teen broke down. she had never felt so misunderstood, so silenced. every word she said was silenced by the older, smaller sized woman. and suddenly the teen shouts, and there was an air of silence between the mother and daughter. the woman shook her head and gave more theories about her sacrifices. the teen refuses to hear any of those but only wishes that somehow, someway, the mother will listen. the shouts got worse and that seemed the only way the teen could get her mother's attention. anything else said would be turned away.

finally, everything died down to silence and the teen hear her mother's voice buzzing in her ear. the mother was still talking, talking talking, but she never got a chance to speak for herself. after all, she was a child. alas, she wanted to speak her mind and then she silenced the mother. she opened her mouth to speak but only to be faced with a huge spray of saliva. the teen broke down and droplets of tears like shattered pearls fell onto the her white tee. this time, she closed the door on her mom.

turning to the computer, she continued watching the vcds, trying to forget. forget. her mouth never opened to say a single word. and she never will.

the end

Found this entry haha. pretty interesting. when i was pissed haha. i've grown up quite a lot =)

2008-09-29T09:09:00.001-07:00

boo
26 Oct 2003 & 19:41 basically woke up early go cat class lars. den got test... (hate it) den we do test. wah lao. we got test den more united sia. den we read shaun's writeup about his name. so funny!!!! wad on dat fateful day. 29 dec 1989... (rolls eyes) den wad grandmother and mother named him shaun... (DOT!) haha. den was quite crap... fiona luffing (happily). den after lessons called andrea in class la. cuz today lessons end earlier. den gabriel was like "andrea! i with you cousin now. guess wad we doing?" haha. crap. dortx. okiex. so after dat went hougang mall wait for her.

den we decided to walk to holy high go funfair lo. den andrea met up wif xue lin. den we walk walk. (holy high ppl dun kill me) i think the funfair was quite sian. nothing really. hah. st nix wan nicer manx. dortx. oki... im not biased. its true. den saw brinston... he look the same as 10 years ago leiz. no comments la. ahah.

so after dat me went andrea's hse... den see audrey jie's fotos. ahah. so after dat i went kbcc do campaigning stuff. den hor... was supposed to do truck thingies. first truck so nice... juz like so neat coloured stripes. den second truck... so funny!!! haha... clara was damn farni leiz. haha. okiex... so erica was like see liao quite freaked. den we insist dat its artistic. den want to ask mr foo see lor. ahha... crap!

den sleep... ahah
tata

i cant believe i talked like that -shakes head- education must have done me some good

2008-09-29T09:06:00.000-07:00

archive.org managed to recover my old 2002 diary-x post. omg. really shows me fresh out of primary sch. im starting uni next week.

SINGAPORE!

2008-09-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

It's funny how people tend to cling onto things they're about to lose. or rather, think they're about to lose. it's a good thing tho. it's like living that moment to the fullest. so i've been trying to live my last week in singapore to the fullest. eating tons of local food, hanging out with cousins at eskibar, watching movies (including horror films), enjoying a river cruise down city hall to clark quay and finding myself accidentally amidst the F1 hype. Surprising how i'm only enjoying Singapore now after a good 18 years plus here.

The highlight of today was actually walking to the singapore flyer. and yes you got me right. the walk there. Xinjie and I were feeling gung ho and walked from the Esplanade to the flyer despite the lady at the control station advising us not to as the roads would be closed for the F1 race tommorrow. But as adventurous as we usually are, her advice fell on deaf years and we embarked on a journey we'd never forget. We climbed over barriers and walked through paths full of people dressed in bright orange suits. asked for directions here and there only to be given really good advice "you should get out of here soon. the roads are closing" and hey presto by the time we got to the end of the pavement, the roads were closed. so we climbed over some barrier and a gentleman asked us for our pass. To cut the long story short, our journey to the flyer was peppered with episodes of good advice unheeded, walking on the race tracks, sweating our lunch off under the grand stands and of course, finally reaching the flyer.

The flyer was pretty ok but for all those leaving singapore in the near future, the hippo and duck tours river taxi is a must-sit. you could also get a world class view of people on the Gmax. freaky shit. Photo time!

View of grand stand from river taxi

our favourite durian!

ended the day with a really expensive dinner at fortune restaurant. cost a fortune. a fulfilling day all in all. finally after 18++ (GST, Service charge) years of complaining how boring singapore is/ was, i got to appreciate a plethora of exciting sights, sounds and should i say taste? im sure singapore enjoyed my company. =)

2008-09-19T01:08:00.001-07:00

used to think i didnt care. mayb i do. but im just so used to not caring.

2008-09-14T00:53:00.001-07:00

feeling warm and fuzzy today cuz watched anime! shall draw =) a happy drawing this time =D *beams*

2008-09-12T22:14:00.003-07:00

Your Love Style is Storge

For you, love and friendship are almost the same thing

And your love tends to be the enduring, long lasting kind

(You've been known to still have connections with exes)

But sometimes your love is not the most passionate

Leap before you look, and you'll find that fire you crave

What's Your Love Style?

I think i've changed my love style. haha used to be manic! :P time flies, things change, last time policemen wore shorts

Your Scholastic Strength Is Innovating

You are the master of new ideas, techniques, and ways of looking at things.

You are talented at structuring thoughts, decision making, clarifying, and making deadlines.

You should major in:

Marketing

Psychology

Design

Cognitive Science

Economics

Photography

What Should You Major In?

This nv changed. DIE. im taking chem eng. CHEM ENG ANYONE?

and nothing else changed other then dating purity. which decreased from 90% to 87% haha!

2008-09-12T21:11:00.000-07:00

was emo-ing yesterday while digging through a whole pile of old stuff. the good thing abt writing everything in a damn blog is that when u can go through everything u tot u forgot. so back to what i was doing... i was looking in an old chemistry file and found a whole bunch of winnie the pooh stickers. and there were unused and in good condition. =) i also found a whole bunch of lecture doodles and for secondary school's case, classroom doodles. and there was this 2005 yearbook that i found. haha. brings me fond memories of being part of the very nice class committee (which i happened to be the bio rep that nv took bio in JC). my airen being the poor HCL rep (nv be the HCL rep cuz no one bothers abt HCL haha!) because she had to set an example. She liked HCl by the way just that HCl period seemed to be the best time to complete whatever homework the other scary teachers gave us. and there was this phrase in my class page (graduating class had 3 pages!): Exercise: think recess basketball, soccer and self-induced 2.4km runs. HAHA. had a silly smile on my face when i thought of that one. I usually dont eat during recess (mayb dabao and secretly eat under the desk during lessons). Recess was for PLAYING BASKETBALL/ SOCCER. depending on the time of the year. haha. i remember having tons of fun at the hockey pitch. (when it rains, it floods and when u kick the ground.... u imagine). and bittersweet memories of scoring a goal when the goalkeeper gave a goalkick and the ball bounced off my stomach back into the goal.

I also found this old drawing of mine (cuz my friends were fascinated by planes). haha. was going through my airen's old autograph book too. i cant believe i wrote 7 pages. anyway, going to write in it again. cant wait =) but i have to make it look nicer this time. i hope i can =) gna miss her loads and loads. i think she's all i have now other than family haha. (which reminds me of mom's propoganda session this morning about getting married and how sad it is for her not to have grandchildren etc etc. honestly i think i got quite purple haha)

2008-09-12T08:38:00.000-07:00

gah. i wonder how i can still call u my bestie. gah. stupid blogger.

53'm 9.92.6.19.53.7.G 1.92.R.T 7 L.8.10.L.39

i give up hope le lah. *piak head on wall* *smiles to myself* (clinical depression anyone?)

i guess this feeling will go away. after all, i'm used to being 13.8.7.E

i thought i could leave on a good note.

learnt a few new tunes on piano. plus loads of shopping. there's always mommy and yaya to pei me =)